Cohabitation Nation

Thanks to Craig Newmark | Posted 10:40 PM

There's no question Craigslist.org is one of the coolest and most useful things on the Internet right now. Thanks to Craig Newmark, I've sold a car, hired an assistant, and found a web designer. Anybody know Craig's relationship status? Craig, if you're living with someone or considering cohabitation, drop me a line and I'll send you a complimentary copy of Unmarried to Each Other.

Does a Ring Bring Happiness, or Vice Versa? | Posted 9:32 AM

Dorian is quoted in an article in today's Washington Post about the marriage and happiness study.

Rebecca Mead on the wedding industry | Posted 11:19 AM

It's always a treat when really talented writers apply their pens to topics in which I'm personally interested. Five months ago Rebecca Mead brilliantly coined the term "unmarriage" in her Talk of the Town piece, and that word has now worked its way into the cultural lexicon (see here, here, and here for a few examples).

This week Mead turns her attention to the wedding industry, and in particular, the business of selling wedding gowns. "You're Getting Married: The Wal-Martization of the Bridal Business" appears in the April 21 & 28 issue of The New Yorker. It isn't available online, but is well worth $3.95 if you're not already a subscriber. She attends a "Winning Bridal Strategies" seminar for bridal boutique owners in Las Vegas, and captures the scene quite well. A few highlights:

Many independent [bridal] retailers have decided that their only hope for survival is to emphasize their specialized knowledge, and to persuade each bride-to-be that dressing herself for her wedding is a project that she is about as well equipped to undertake as she is to remove her own appendix....

Faced with [chain bridal store] competition, independent bridal-store owners have been obliged to be imaginative about new marketing possibilities. In particular, they are looking for was to appeal to the so-called nontraditional bride: divorced brides, older brides, and brides with offspring. To the independent retailer, such customers present a challenge, but one that should be greeted enthusiastically. Vows' tipoffs for recognizing that the nontraditional bride included the fact that "these women won't change their wedding dates to accommodate dress orders," and that they are dangerously apt to "forget the wedding and prepare for marriage."

As I write here, the wedding industry provides a fascinating glimpse into the intersection of a capitalist economy and marriage. While unquestionably pro-marriage, the industry also poses some challenges to more traditional marriage advocates. As weddings become more expensive, they also become less attainable -- something a couple is likely to wait to save up enough money to "do it right." Because growing numbers of couples can't yet afford the wedding, they are less likely to see a need for a liscense in the meantime.

What the American Law Institute report actually says | Posted 11:19 PM

Case for Marriage author Maggie Gallagher disses the American Law Institute's Principles of the Law of Family Dissolution in her column. Yet she doesn't have her facts right, as Dorian details:

In order to be considered eligible for any consideration at the end of a relationship based on the ALI's recommendations, a couple must have "shared a primary residence." The recommendations even say (p. 919):

"The residence must be the primary abode of both parties. The purpose [of this requirement] is to exclude casual and occasional relationships, as well as extramarital relationships conducted by married persons who continue to reside with a spouse."

They go on to give this hypothetical example (p. 920), which is remarkably similar to the one Maggie describes:

"Ronald, a successful artist, is married to Minnie, with whome he has three grown children. Ten years ago, Ronald began an intimate relationship with Carlotta, for whom he purchased an apartment that she occupies as her primary residence. Ronald resides with Minnie, and visits Carlotta several times a week. Carlotta and Ronald are not domestic partners [and therefore not eligible for consideration using the guidelines of the Principles of Family Dissolution] because they do not share a primary residence."

In order to be a considered de facto parent, someone must (p. 108):

"(A) regularly perform a majority of the caretaking functions for the child, or (B) regularly perform a share of caretaking functions at least as great as that of the parent with whom the child primarily lived."

In Maggie's scenario, under the ALI recommendations, Kenny would neither have financial obligations toward Jeanette nor be considered a de facto parent to her child.

Fargo Forum: What has changed since 1938? | Posted 10:41 AM

Alternatives to Marriage Project board member Sarah Wright's op-ed appears in today's Fargo Forum in response to the North Dakota's failure to repeal its anti-cohabitation law.

PA High Court Hears Cohabitation Alimony Case | Posted 10:32 AM

Joann Loviglio of the Associated Press reports from Philadelphia:

The state Supreme Court heard arguments Wednesday over whether a man can stop paying alimony to his ex-wife because she's living with another woman.

Anthony Kripp is appealing a lower-court ruling that said Pennsylvania case law has consistently regarded cohabitation as involving two members of the opposite sex living together as husband and wife.

Anthony Kripp stopped paying Robin Kripp alimony two years after their 1998 divorce because she had been living with a woman in Kentucky. He contends they had agreed that the $1,000-per-month payments would stop after two years if she were to "cohabitate."

Justice Ronald Castille asked whether the Kripps had defined "cohabitate," saying, "In the 1900s, it meant one thing. In the 2000s, it means something different."

NYC | Posted 10:30 AM

Back from a trip to NYC, which included dinner with JA and the annual conference of the Council on Contemporary Families.

Sound Money | Posted 8:15 PM

Dorian was interviewed on NPR's Sound Money. Listen to it here.

Couple marries after 78 years of cohabitation | Posted 4:11 PM

Reuters reports (thanks to LS for the news tip):

Zyness O'Haver may have suffered from one of the worst cases of cold feet in the history of marriage.

After almost 78 years of living with Sallie Warren, he finally decided to pop the question and the Oklahoma City couple became husband and wife on Wednesday.

O'Haver 95, told reporters, "It was about time I made an honest woman" out of his new wife, who is 94.

With three of their grandchildren on hand, the two were wed in the Oklahoma County Courthouse. The grandchildren pushed for the wedding, saying it was about time the two tied the knot.

An anxious O'Haver jumped the gun during the ceremony however, saying "I sure do," well before Judge D. Fred Doak asked the couple to exchange wedding vows.

In response to the positive answer from her groom-to-be, Warren, dressed in an ivory colored dress, gave O'Haver a premature kiss, normally given after a couple is pronounced man and wife.

Cohabitation still a crime in North Dakota | Posted 7:23 PM

At times I worry that some lawmakers are hopelessly out of touch with the today's world. More frequently than not, my suspicions are confirmed. For at least one North Dakota state senator, keeping cohabitation illegal is simply "a reminder that there is right, and there is wrong."

Wedding Advice | Posted 9:42 PM

Unexpected entertainment: I'm officially listed on cinema.com. Click here for a list of my recent roles on the big screen.

Wedding Advice will be shown at the Black Point Film Festival in the resort town of Lake Geneva, Wisconsin on April 24.