Cohabitation Nation

Naked Weddings | Posted 12:29 PM

When I blogged the trendwatch of nude wedding photos, I had no idea the degree of interest in actual nude weddings. Search engines are sending my way a steady stream of people looking for "nude brides" and "nude weddings" and so on. Some further research does pointpoint a definite trend. First, a Salon.com article in 2001:

It won't be difficult to locate the wedding rings this Valentine's Day when eight couples tie the knot in the nude at Jamaica's Runaway Bay. This historic celebration, billed as the world's largest nude wedding, is being hosted by the racy Hedonism III resort -- famous for its four-story transparent water slide that cuts through the middle of a disco.

The Jamaican government, however, is not pleased with the marriage marketing scheme, calling it inappropriate and indecent. Portia Simpson Miller, minister of tourism and sport, released an official statement that said: "This type of activity is not in keeping with our marketing strategy for Jamaica."

Then, a Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel article from this year, which reports that the number of couples involved has now jumped to 47:

Like any bride-to-be, Sherry Olson has a million details to worry about before her big day. But even though she's getting married in three weeks, one thing she isn't obsessing about is the wedding dress.

In fact, she won't be wearing anything.

Olson and her fiance, Joe Folz, will travel to Jamaica for a Valentine's Day wedding, where the pair from Centuria will join 47 other couples who plan to get hitched without wearing a stitch in what's being billed as the world's largest nude wedding.

All this talk of nude weddings reminds me of the Commentary piece I discussed here. There's no question about it, naked commitment ceremony just doesn't have the same ring to it as naked wedding.

Does one need to go to Jamaica and cause marketing department angst in order to have a nude wedding? Could this this become a trend in New York or a Los Angeles? Personally, I'd put my money on Marin County.

Hamptons Update | Posted 9:05 AM

The domestic partner registry is underway in Southhampton, NY:

Couples wishing to register under the Town of Southampton’s new Domestic Partnership law may do so at the Town Clerk’s office at Town Hall on Hampton Road beginning next Monday.

The Southampton Town Board approved the registry earlier this month to recognize domestic partnerships whose members cannot or choose not to marry as a family unit. Couples may make an official record of their union by completing, signing, and submitting to the Town Clerk a partnership statement.

Yet another reason to love Philly | Posted 9:00 AM

The Philadelphia Business Journal reports:

A group determined to attract young people to Philadelphia is about to make a serious investment in the city's future.

Next month, the Knowledge Industry Partnership will launch a three-year, $8 million advertising-and-marketing campaign to attract college students, engage them while they are here and then keep them here after graduation.

Much of the campaign is built around what the city can offer as a destination for the arts, culture and nightlife. ...

The Museum of Art expanded its live music from Wednesday night to Friday as well. Its Young Friends program holds an annual Winter Gala at the museum, the annual Rodin Party held at the Rodin Museum, private tours of the galleries and monthly "First Friday" happy hours at Old City locations. Young Friends has grown from 200 members four years ago to 400, said museum Marketing Manager Charles Croce. The museum also recently introduced a $75, "duel partnership" membership for unmarried couples. (emphasis added)

Marriage Promotion in Vietnam: Mobile Licensing and Propaganda Campaigns | Posted 9:10 PM

Reuters reports:

HANOI, Vietnam - Communist and conservative Vietnam, alarmed by nearly a million unmarried cohabiting couples, is offering wedding licenses door to door to make it easier for people to tie the knot.

Vietnam, with a population of 80 million, had an estimated 929,319 unmarried couples living together last year, according to a nationwide survey.

So far this year, the ``fast-track'' mobile licensing and propaganda campaigns had persuaded 420,982 couples to get hitched, state media reported.

``Cohabitation before marriage is totally unacceptable now and always will be,'' said Pham Thi Thuy Huong, from the non-government Vietnam Family Planning Association.

Philadelphia | Posted 11:32 AM

Cohabitation Nation earns its first reference on the printed page in the Vows supplement to the Philadelphia City Paper. It seems the city of brotherly love can't stop talking about Unmarried to Each Other. A Philly Metro columnist offers his opinion in yesterday's issue (click on U.S., download 3/26/03 pdf file). Does the Metro find it too much to ask its columnists to actually read the books they criticize, or is simply reading the Philadelphia Inquirer enough?

Where there's smoke there's ire | Posted 11:10 AM

Miss Manners weighs in on Mom's disapproval of the smoking boyfriend:

Oh, Miss Manners is only thinking how little the world changes. The same scene could have taken place 50 years ago, except that your mother would not have dared criticize an adult's smoking, and would have instead poured that emotion into the issue of cohabitation. Whatever upsets her, she should not be invoking that clause about suspending manners in an emergency, which only applies to immediate emergencies. For example, if Greg were to set the house on fire, she could override the rule against shouting orders and scream, "Get out!"

Group Dynamics | Posted 9:36 PM

If successful tandem bicycling is the equivalent of successful cohabitation or successful roommate relations, then this bike surely brings back memories of living in a big house with Dorian and seven other classmates in our senior year of college.

Will we be seeing one of these on the streets of the Lower East Side anytime soon? No doubt the Lightmobile made an appearance in its day.

94-year-old Chinese man seeks cohabitation, says he's not ready for marriage | Posted 11:42 PM

Orange Today reports:

A 94-year-old Chinese man is using a dating agency to find a lover but says he's not ready to get married.

The man, named simply as Mr Zhang by the Nanguo City News, said he doesn't want to be tied down yet.

He is looking for a good-looking, financially stable woman who is less then 60 years old and "willing to turn a blind eye to the law".

It is illegal for unmarried couples to live together in China, although the law is very rarely enforced, reports the South China Morning Post.

The matchmaking company said they had not received many responses to Mr Zhang's advertisement.

Cohabitation leads to marriage most of the time | Posted 11:10 PM

Of all the problems with this anti-cohabitation column, by Mona Charen, there's one in particular worth noting here. Charen writes: "As Kay Hymowitz reports in the March issue of Commentary, only one-sixth of cohabiting couples remain together for three years, and only a tenth for 10 years." Actually, what Hymowitz writes is: "Only a sixth of couples who live together so do for at least three years, and only a tenth for five years."

Catch the difference between "remain together" and "live together"? Charen implies that only one-sixth of the couples are still together after three years, and that the rest have broken up. But to the contrary, sociologists Larry Bumpass and Hsien-Hen Lu, in one of the most cited research articles on cohabitation, report that within five years of living together, about 53 percent of different sex couples convert their cohabitations into marriages. I'd call that "remaining together" for sure.

Hymowitz presumably knows the truth, whereas Charen clearly misses the point. The majority of couples who live together go on to get married, not break up -- but you'd never know that from reading the column.

Study: Marriage won't guarantee happiness | Posted 7:35 PM

One of the mantras of marriage proponents has been that "marriage makes people happier." This new study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says it might not be so simple. From the United Press International article:

The findings indicate although a person can enjoy a happy boost from marriage, the person tends to return to his or her prior level of happiness, whatever that level might have been before saying "I do," researchers said.

"Married people are happier than these other groups, but they were happy when they were single," Lucas told United Press International. "It's not that everybody who gets married has a big positive change that happens after marriage."

As reported in the March issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the results also showed marriage or divorce does not have the same implications for everyone. A person who was lonely before marriage can gain much from a marriage, while a happily married person whose spouse dies can lose a great deal, and someone who had been unhappily married and then goes through a divorce might not feel much of a loss.

"These levels of happiness do tend to be steady over time even in the face of change of life circumstances," Lucas added.

Based on the findings, people appear to have a core level of happiness and although that level can fluctuate over time, people typically return to it, he continued. So if a person was grossly unhappy with his or her life prior to marriage, wedding bells are unlikely to alter that person's sense of satisfaction.

Trendwatch: Nude Wedding Photos | Posted 10:31 AM

The Straits Times in Asia reports on the "Bare facts about bridal shots":

IN THEIR wedding album are four steamy shots of the happy couple - naked from the waist up.

Newlyweds Mei and Ming, who declined to give their full names, decided to go bare for their wedding photo shoot last December, and are proud of it.

'The idea was to do something natural and playful, but we didn't want full nudity,' says Mei, a 27-year-old software engineer....

The shoot, which took all of five minutes, was also done tastefully, she says.

Her husband, Ming, 28, a freelance writer, says: 'We'd seen really cheap-looking, provocative shots at bridal shops which looked really sleazy.

'There was this morning-after look in bed and the guy looked like he'd just had a prostitute. We didn't want that.'

Out of 10 photographers Sunday Life! checked with, six say they offer nude wedding photography, but on the quiet. They do not advertise the services and only offer them on request.

Mr Travis Ong, 38, the owner of Utopia Photography, worked on Mei and Ming's nude wedding photos. He says he has had only three similar requests in the last three years.

But Attitude Photography's Eric Er, in his mid-40s, spots a slow but definite trend.

In the last six months, four about-to-be-married couples - all in their late 20s and early 30s - have asked to be photographed in the nude.

"Lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed and cohabit together" | Posted 9:14 AM

An 1805 North Carolina law is cited as a reason not to implement domestic partner benefits:

The nearly 200-year-old state law Durham County evoked to block health benefits to employees’ domestic partners is a "smoke screen" for lack of political will, said critics of the county’s position.

Employees for Domestic Partners Benefits has requested a benefit policy similar to one adopted by the city, which began enrolling city employees’ heterosexual and homosexual domestic partners in its health and dental plans on Jan. 1.

But earlier this week, County Manager Mike Ruffin told employees the county could not follow suit because it is against the law in North Carolina for a man and woman to live together as a couple.

Since the county commissioners swear to uphold state laws, County Attorney Chuck Kitchen has advised them they would be violating their oath of office if they voted for domestic-partner benefits, Ruffin has said.

The 1805 fornication and adultery law reads, "if any man and woman, not being married to each other, shall lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed and cohabit together, they shall be guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor."

According to the Administrative Office of the Courts, eight charges based upon the fornication and adultery law were brought up in North Carolina courts in 2002, resulting in five convictions.

It was not immediately clear Friday which counties the convictions occurred in, or whether the 1805 statute had been the sole basis for conviction.

But for Jo Wyrick, executive director of Equality NC, a gay rights advocacy group, the county is hiding behind an antiquated law to refuse to discuss the real issue, which she believes is discrimination against unmarried same-sex and heterosexual couples.

Alabama considers raising marriage age | Posted 1:05 PM

This page is an amusing collage of information:
There's the brief article about raising the marriage age.
The advertisement for match.com (note that the youngest age for a match is 18, but the oldest is 120).
And, of course, the survey with 87% saying "over 18."
Incidentally, one of the best predictors of divorce is age of first marriage. People who marry in their teens and early twenties are more likely to divorce than those who marry later.

Cohabitation in Delaware | Posted 9:09 PM

State sees more unwed couples, says the News-Journal.

The sin issue | Posted 8:15 PM

After a big media day, the fan mail starts rolling in. Apparently, someone by the name of "GOD" took the time to fill out our stay in touch form:

I DO NOT SEE YOU ADDRESS THE SIN ISSUE, LIKE SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE.
SETTING A BAD EXAMPLE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE.
FAILURE TO MAKE A COMMITMENT.
NOT FACING YOUR OWN ETERNAL LIFE.
TRY READING MY INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE: ALSO KNOWN AS "BIBLE"!
IT IS NEVER TO LATE TO TURN TO ME, THROUGH MY SON, JESUS CHRIST.

Actually, we do address the the "sin issue" in third chapter of Unmarried to Each Other. As one minister we quoted said so eloquently, "What makes a relationship holy... is how the two individuals within the relationship honor each other and themselves with their actions and words. Honesty, trust, constancy through difficult and easy times, and giving mutual support are far more the landmarks to commitment, love and intimacy than whether or not a union has religious or legal sanction."

Top ten places for cohabitation | Posted 6:19 PM

Another interesting tidbit from today's Census report was a list of the ten places with the highest precentage unmarried partners. Dorian and I calculated a similiar list for Unmarried to Each Other and came up with slightly different findings because we looked at same-sex and different-sex couples combined, and focused on the 50 largest cities, instead of places with more than 100,000 people.

The Census list, from the report:

Different-sex partners:

1. Paterson, NJ
2. Manchester, NH
3. Rochester, NY
4. Sunrise Manor, NV
5. Allentown, PA
6. San Bernardino, CA
7. Spring Valley, NV
8. Harford, CT
9. Lansing, MI
10. Green Bay, WI

Same-sex partners:
1. San Francisco, CA
2. Fort Lauderdale, FL
3. Seattle, WA
4. Oakland, CA
5. Berkeley, CA
6. Atlanta, GA
7. Minnaepolis, MN
8. Washington, DC
9. Long Beach, CA
10. Portland, OR

Here's the Las Vegas Review-Journal's take on the trend.

US Census releases groundbreaking report today | Posted 12:28 AM

Census: Unmarried Couples More Diverse (Associated Press)
More couples live together, roiling debate on family (Christian Science Monitor)

If one of us is gone for the weekend, is it okay to have someone stay over and sleep in our bed? | Posted 10:30 PM

From "Getting Along" at New Mexico State University:

Like all other relationships, getting along with your roommate is going to require patience, good communication and compromise...

ROOMMATE STARTER KIT

We suggest the following as topics of discussion for you and your roommate early in the semester.

Where is my roommate from? ...
How much messiness is too much? What will we do if one of us does not equally share in the responsibility of cleaning the room/bathroom?
When is it okay to have guests of the same sex visit? What about guests of the opposite sex?   At what time(s) of the day/night?
If one of us is gone for the weekend, is it okay to have someone stay over and sleep in our bed?
Under what conditions and at what time of the day or night do we each study best?
At what times of the day do we each function best?
How do pressure and stress affect each of us?
How do we each react when we’re “stressed out?”
What about borrowing/using each other’s belongings?
What are our individual needs for privacy?
How will we handle payment on shared items like the refrigerator, toilet paper, and bath soap?
How much sleep do we each need? What can we each sleep through and what keeps us awake?
How will disagreements be handled? How do we each react when we’re angry?
In what ways are we alike? In what ways are we different? How will these similarities and differences impact on our relationship?
Do any of us have a health problem that the others may need to be aware of?
What are our individual thoughts and beliefs concerning the use of alcohol?
What part does religion or personal value systems play in each of our lives and what effect will this have on our living situation?

Patience | Posted 9:54 AM

Back home from a trip to NYC, which included dinner with LS, my blogosphere mentor, and the taping of a segment for ABC. LS says the key to successful blogging is patience. He's right, all good things in life take time; patience makes for successful cohabitation as well.

Pending Approval | Posted 9:53 AM

Days since I placed my pyrad order: 7
Impressions delivered: 0
Status of order: "Pending rad approval."

North Dakota Update | Posted 9:54 AM

The debate over North Dakota's anti-cohabitation law continues.

My Big Fat | Posted 8:51 AM

From the March 2003 issue of Commentary: "For further proof that Americans remain devoted to the ideal of marriage, one can also turn to popular culture... last summer millions of Americans filled movie theaters to make a suprise hit of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Does anyone think they would have flocked to My Big Fat Greek Commitment Ceremony?"

From the front-page teaser to an article inside yesterday's Wall Street Journal: "My Big Fat Live-In Arrangement: As more people from college grads to grandparents are living together without getting married, they're starting to benefit from an increasing array of perks and protections."

Other uses of my big fat.

Welcome to my big fat blog. Incidentally, my book is bigger and fatter than many people expect it to be. Many people, when handed an actual hard copy of it, remark with honest surprise, "it's so big!"

Cohabitation Nation Enters the Marketplace | Posted 10:05 AM

When signing up for Blogger Pro nearly two months ago, I was offered a coupon for a free pyRad. With the expiration date looming, I decided today it was time to cash in. My "rad" is now "pending approval," but here's an early welcome to the future visitors. In addition to this blog, you might want to check out Unmarried to Each Other: The Essential Guide to Living Together as an Unmarried Couple and the Alternatives to Marriage Project.

'I try to avoid calling him when I'm crying.' | Posted 9:42 AM

Donna Jackel writes movingly in the Democrat and Chronicle about an unmarried couple coping with deployment:

The couple shared the rent and other household expenses. Because they are not married, Bonilla does not receive any military benefits. As is the case with many unmarried military couples, Vega assigned Bonilla power of attorney and gave her access to his bank account so she can make ends meet.

For Bonilla, the worst part of Vega’s absence is the loneliness.

’’I try to avoid calling him when I’m crying,’’ she said. ‘’I have no appetite. I lost 13 pounds the first week he left.’’ Even the couple’s two cats -- Patience and Precious -- stopped eating for a few days.